Hi, friends! We are so excited to share our first guest blog with you today! Stephanie and I have known each other via the Internet since we found each other in the WTE March 2013 birth club. We want to thank her 100x for being so vulnerable, and sharing her heart and story with all of us. It has greatly touched Rhea and I, and hope it moves you too.
We will let Stephanie take it from here.
Xoxo, Karissa
In December of 2012, at 8 months pregnant, I woke up and something wasn’t right. I got ready for work and my stomach hurt so bad that I couldn’t really stand up straight. I had a C-section with my first daughter so I didn’t know if this was labor or what. I went to the hospital and was told that I probably had a kidney stone. While waiting for testing and imaging, the tone of the room changed when they could no longer find her heart beat on the monitor. They brought in some doctors and a sonogram machine when it was determined that her heart was barely beating. They rushed me for an emergency surgery, where we both coded and had to be brought back to life. Unfortunately, our sweet Colette was brain dead from all of the trauma. We gave her all of the tests and all of the time that we could before it was determined that there was nothing there and the “best option” was to end life support. It wasn’t until after surgery that I was diagnosed with complete placental abruption. There are a lot of details and a lot more to the story but that’s not the point I wanted to get across. Here is the point. Did I fail as a mother? Should I have known what was going on? I spent so much time blaming myself, blaming others and even questioning god as to why this had to happen. You have such big ideas as a mother. I was planning their matching outfits. Picturing them being best friends. Anticipating the fights and screaming. Instead we were left with plans for cremation, a funeral service and telling our child about death and heaven. None of its fair, but life’s not fair. We were never promised to not have suffering in this life.
I hope that by sharing this story we can take a moment to hug our children. Acknowledge that we are truly blessed with what we DO have, not what we “SHOULD” have. Things can change in a moments time, so love your children and spouses every minute of every day.